Connecting Couples in Addiction: Episode 8- Relationships

Episode 8: Relationships

Show Notes

 

First 5 minutes:

Intro- When we are talking about relationship and community, we are referring to people who get your journey and who can support you in the process.

 

The 8^th episode and the middle of the 5 Action Steps that support recovery. Number 4 is Relationships. Not just the married relationship you are in, but also the relationships in your life that influence you. In order to sustain change and stay committed to change, you have to make sure the influences in your life line up with your goals.

 

We discussed, while still in the action stage, versus the maintenance step, what it would look like to host my parents who don’t follow the same patterns of eating as we had shifted to. Chad discusses what it looked like when he drank socially, connecting with the people around him was part of the process.

 

Minutes 5-10:

We have to start choosing to hang out with, so that the people who we hang out with have lifestyles in the direction we want to go. “If you hang out in a barbershop long enough, you’ll probably get a haircut.” Even in Chad’s Strava account, he started following people whose activity matched what he was hoping for his level of activity to look like.

 

We encourage people to look around and see who is living a life that models the way you want to live, and then surround yourself more with those people. The change we are looking for aren’t just behavioral changes. They are community changes and relational changes and attitude changes. For sustainable change, I have to find community that understands and supports the change you are trying to make.

 

Minutes 10-15:

We have been talking about the importance of including healthy and supportive community in your process. It is also important to consider what community might trigger you or what influence might not be supportive of your process. You have to be aware enough to know what influence is beneficial and what influence is not helpful.

 

It’s a hard thing to consider that your family of origin or even your spouse might be part of the influence that is producing shaming or triggering your process. You might need to consider needing to set boundaries or limits on the time you spend with the people who trigger you.

 

Minutes 15-20:

We also want to encourage the partner of someone who is addicted to consider getting involved in the recovery process. If there is addiction in your relationship, then you probably have plenty of pain and distress around the addictive behaviors also, and it would be good for you to get support on your side also.

 

Part of this process will be for you to learn a new way of interacting with some of the people you care about the most who might also inadvertently are hindering your process and don’t even know it. Again, we’re saying, shifting your relationships so that you are surrounding yourself with people who support your process and limit your time with those who aren’t as helpful.

 

Minutes 20-25:

These action steps build on each other. You don’t start with cutting off or shifting relationships. You start with limiting access to the things you over use. Then increase self-awareness. Then make sure you are doing good self-care. Then, once those first three are in place, you start assessing and adjusting relationships.

 

Connect Point:

Take some time and think about, where are the places that I find support and who are the people who provide support of my process? Maybe also think about the flip side. Where are the places and who are the people that do not support my process?

 

For more information or to contact Chad and Angela, go to their website at: www.therealimhoffs.com