Connecting Couples in Addiction: Episode 5- Safe Guards

Show Notes

 

First 5 minutes:

Intro- We have to start to look at the reasons why we go to a substance. The story always makes sense. We want to help bring context to your struggle.

 

This is where we talk about how we take action. In addiction people often talk about what they aren’t going to do. “I’m not going to drink.” In this episode we start talking about, “What I AM going to do.”

 

As a reminder, we are talking to both partners. The partner that might be the addict and the spouse of the addicted partner. Also, without clear motivation, change won’t happen. The person who needs to change, is the one who needs the motivation.

 

The first of 5 action steps is Safe Guards. This is about minimizes or reducing exposure and reducing access to things that might contribute to the addiction.

 

Minutes 5-10:

The second one is Self-Awareness. People who struggle with dependence or abuse of a substance often have no awareness of why they even use it. The third of the five Action steps is Healthy Self-Care. Taking care of yourself includes doing things that bring you joy.

 

Number four is Relationships. The people who we choose to surround ourselves with either support our health or contribute to our unhealthy behavior. And finally, number five is being able to embrace your own story. You have to find a way to figure out how you got here without the shame that is often attached to it. The story always makes sense.

 

Minutes 10-15:

We want to bring coherence and context to your story. We want to help you put your narrative together and that includes owning your part, but also knowing what parts aren’t yours to own. Those are the five things we will continue to discuss over the next five episodes. The rest of this episode will discuss Safe Guards.

 

Coming in to this series we’ve been tightening up our eating habits, so we had to remove access to some of the unhealthy things we were eating. We removed some of the sugary things and some of the carbs. A person who struggles with drinking would possibly adjust how they drive home to avoid driving by a liquor store. Someone who struggles with online addiction might put restrictions on their computer.

 

Keep in mind that someone who wants to keep using will find a way to get the thing. This is one of five things that are interlocking and when put in place will help a person with motivation to change to make a slight adjustment to what they do.

 

Minutes 15-20:

If there is easy access to something that will temp us, we might accidentally use it out of habit. Something to consider; in the preparation phase, being ok about getting rid of all the things. We actually pushed off our start state of healthy eating because we didn’t want to get rid of stuff, which isn’t a best practice for change. You might need to get rid of somethings that you have handy if they contribute to your addiction.

 

Removing exposure to some of the excessive behaviors means setting different boundaries around what you do. A workaholic still works, but sets different parameters around how much working will be done and when to stop.

 

This can be a challenge when you have to ask those around you to support what you are trying to change. You might need to ask your spouse or family or tribe to support what you need in the process.

 

Minutes 20-25:

If you are the partner of someone who is trying to change, you are probably going to have to change some things also. Chad and I were able to make adjustments because we were willing to work together about what we both needed to change. A conversation around what we need to remove for change to happen is required between a couple. Moving something ‘a couple steps away’.

 

Putting barriers in place isn’t the key to sobriety, but it is one piece of the scaffolding that you will build around you to secure the change you make.

 

Connect Point: Identify something that you would like to create a barrier to get to. Is there anything that you would like it to be a little harder to access. Once you know, share it with your partner so they can support you in your decision to change.

 

For more information about Chad and Angela Imhoff, check out www.therealimhoffs.com