Connecting Couples in Addiction: Episode 2- Basic Terms

Connection Couples Podcast: Addiction Series
Episode 2: Basic Terms
 
First 5 minutes:
Intro- This is the way people have learned to cope, and now it is running their life and stealing from what they cherish most. 

Breaking down specific terms. People can have a big reaction to a word based on what they believe it means and often there is a misunderstanding around some of the words associated with addiction. Starting off with what would merit the use of the word Addiction. Where is the line drawn between, using something to being addicted?

Clinically, people don’t use the word “addiction”. But outside of a clinical setting, people use and label someone an addict- as a person who can’t give something up.
 
Dependence. Abuse. Use. Are the 3 terms that would best describe a person’s connection to a coping behavior or substance.

Minutes 5-10:
You might ask, do you have a negative side effect if you stop ‘using’.
Dependence is the highest level, where someone has a negative affect if they don’t use it.
Abuse is the middle level, where there isn’t a dependence, but whenever I do use it, I over use it. Abuse doesn’t have a negative side effect when you stop, but it does have an effect when you do use it.

The flip side of these 2; “There is a negative outcome when I use” … is Abuse. “There is a negative outcome when I stop using” … is Dependent. When the level of use is required to feel ok and if I try to stop there are withdraws, or a negative outcome (anxiety, physical pain, etc...)

Minutes 10-15:
A person who is dependent on something is using almost daily. A person who is abusing something is using it occasionally, but using too much when they do. “Use” is in moderation but there is still an ability to stop or not overuse it.

You might have a problem if… someone in your life tells you there is a problem, or you might have enough insight to realize you are overusing something. When something happens in your life that makes you consider that you might be using something to the point that it is out of balance. In the abuse stage- other people in your life will tend to notice first. In the dependent stage, you might know, but just don’t know how to get out of it.

Co-dependency. A word that is used to describe some of the behaviors of the person in a relationship with or the loved one to the addicted person. 

Minutes 15-20:
If you are a partner of the addict, there is already a pattern or cycle at play- in pursue and withdraw fashion- that is possibly perpetuating whatever the addition is. There are shifts that the loved one of the addict can learn and make that will help. It’s never only the addiction that is the problem.

The addictive behavior always serves a function. Most of the time the use of the behavior or substance is born out of a need. It is a strategy that provides relief, but it now hurting your life. The disclaimer- we want to make sure the victim of addiction doesn’t feel blamed or targeted. We want to give you the tools you need to come along side your addict in a way that is effective.
 
Minutes 20-25:
The partner of the addict… you love your person. Even though they are making bad choices, using, hurting you and your family, etc… you also love their dearly and want to help them. You see their potential and want to fight for them. You hold so much HOPE for the relationship. It is So hard to be the partner of someone who is struggling with abuse or dependence.

Here is a list of things that can fall into an unhealthy pattern: drugs, alcohol, pornography, workaholic, validation and escape, busyness- overbooked schedule, social media, exercise, books, movies and television, streaming platforms- Netflix, Prime, control,  etc…. All of these can be tied back to what we all long for- to connect in distress.

Connect Point: Consider the list we mentioned and ask yourself is there is anything that you are overusing, abusing or even dependent on. Step one is identify your own thing. Step two, if you can, bring it to your partner. 

For more information about The Real Imhoffs, check out www.therealimhoffs.com