Connecting Couples in Addiction: Episode 13- Relapse

Connection Couples Podcast: Addiction Series

Episode 13: Relapse

Show Notes

 

First 5 minutes:

Intro- Relapse is part of the process. What happens in your relationship when the ‘addicted’ person relapses? Does it mean you are back at square one? Addiction and coping strategies are fluid, meaning periods and seasons of health and wellness tend to fluctuate. We can be healthy for a while, then get triggered and fall back into old patterns. It doesn’t mean we are back at zero.

 

Minutes 5-10:

Our bodies hold and remember how painful ‘square one’ was, which is why relapse can trigger feelings of those old pains. Our brains go back to the pain that the earlier interactions caused. One of the signs that you aren’t at square one is that your awareness of the process is already more advanced than where you used to be.

 

Relapse doesn’t have to mean going all the way back into the habit the way it used to be used. It can mean just leaning back on old habits during a time of trigger or stress. This can often add shame into the awareness process, which tends to perpetuate the habit. It’s important to make the distinction, is it a ‘relapse’ is it a ‘slip up’… what is the narrative around ‘usage’?

 

Sometimes asking a few deeper questions can reveal the differences from the former usage to the current behavior of resorting back to it.

 

Minutes 10-15:

3 or things to look for around relapse. 1. Did the person who went back to the habit know that they didn’t want to do it. Is there an awareness. 2. Did they come forward and share their mistake- versus getting caught. 3. How long did they stay back in the former habit? Relapse, like addiction- is a continuum.

 

The key is to pay attention to what part of the structures you put into place areas that still need work. Community, accountability, access to things… there might be areas that need to be sured up- and a slip up or relapse will reveal where those weaknesses are.

 

Trust is still being built in the newness of the health and both partners are only just learning the new ways to build security.

 

Minutes 15-20:

There is a benefit to analyzing a relapse. Where did the disconnect happen and how can you adjust moving forward. If you can zoom out and look at the process- the relapse or the triggers and challenges, you’ll be confronted by are predictable. It’s easy to slip out of the new routines when the newness wares off.

 

When new trusts are being built, and someone messes up, it is easy to go to blame and forget that there is an interaction happening between two people. The cycle is at play even in the new choices.

Affirming again that a relapse doesn’t put you back to square one- because you should have lots of new resources to turn to.

 

Connect Point:

In this connect point we want you to do- take a few minutes and assess the support and structures you have put into place to help you feel secure in your recovery. Then share it with your partner.

 

To read more about what Chad and Angela Imhoff are doing, check out www.therealimhoffs.com